My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i dont even know how to be here
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this is an emotional support booty call
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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