i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
