Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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