just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize