I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
