So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
