with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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