Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need a burrito and a hug.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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