Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can u get pink eye on your cock?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
