There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
