We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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