Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
