You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
