Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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