I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
