I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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