so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize