I hate all girls vehemently.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
