Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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