so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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