Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
