remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
