ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
