How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was confusing and full of hummus
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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