I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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