I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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