Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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