everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
