im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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