I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
