problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
