i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
