just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
