You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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