Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
