And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
