The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I understand Curling. That high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize