"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize