Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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