I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
