I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
