I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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