oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
