He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize