You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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