I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize