I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
