Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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