I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
