me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
