Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
operation have a gay friend backfired
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
