The best revenge is premature balding
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He shit in the fireplace
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
