Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
