tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
