You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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