i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
