so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
