Just fell off a train. Bad.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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