he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
