Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
