the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
