Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
