Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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