Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
