There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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