my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize