well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, beer. Big fan.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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