If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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