somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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