I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
