i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
