I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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