Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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